after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
