i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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