K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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