If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
