I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
