meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
