I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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