i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize