I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she smelled like a LAN party
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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