I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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