I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize