why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
