I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
