He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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