And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
