rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
