i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
