so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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