Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love having hate sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
