he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How does one acquire holy water?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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