I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize