i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
