dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
