He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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