i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
