When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
