Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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