So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
