I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
