It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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