If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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