Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize