Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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