he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
