I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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