So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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