I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you never un-have a 4some
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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