this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
