the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
