I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
