nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
