Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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