Tell her she can't have a vagina
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
