I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
