I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
