Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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