am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
