sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
