If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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