I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
