I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He better not be in your backpack
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize