Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
