This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
