Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So apparently I’m into choking now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
