can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
