god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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