I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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