If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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