dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
