Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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