I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
