I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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