i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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