And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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