i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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