thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
