dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
