there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
